Deschooling for parents: pt. 2

I wanted to add this to part one, but it was getting long. This is a discussion from an unschooling e-mail group I belong to.

A member asked: How long does deschooling take?? I am trying so hard to be patient but my spirit is restless. I am trying to relax.

Anne Ohman replied: What are you waiting for? *Your* spirit doesn't have to be restless...DO something! Live!! Follow your passions!! See the world anew again and follow your curiosities. And let your daughter heal. Think of it as healing, not deschooling.
And let it happen in its own way, in its own time, and celebrate it all along the way. Celebrate *her* and all that she is choosing to do that will help her find Who She Is again and will allow her to know for certain that her purpose here in this world is to follow her heart and her passion...even if it doesn't look like something you *think* should be a passion. It's *your* perspective that needs to be shifted at this point.

Same member again: She's much better but we are still struggling.

Anne's reply: What are you struggling with? Why is she struggling at all? Her days should be Joy-Centered and nothing else. She should be living and healing and un-learning all the falsities that were handed to her when she was in school. You should be doing all you can to allow her to feel she is Safe and Whole and that she has people she can Trust with whom she can completely be herSelf, no judgment, no expectations...only respect and celebration.
How does she Shine? Go there with her. Go into that place where her heart Sings and her Spirit Shines and Light up the WORLD together!! Follow that...walk in the direction of her Light, her Shine, her Joy...

Amy's reply: The way that this question is phrased, I'm guessing that what you might be actually asking is, "When is she going to stop watching so much TV or playing on the computer so much -- when is she going to do something *more* and stop needing to just *do nothing*?" Is that right? You've read stories, maybe, of unschooled kids doing interesting and fun things, and you're *waiting* for that to kick in?

If that is the question, then the issue is probably more with how you're seeing things than what's actually happening.

So now the question becomes, "How do *I* (Mom) let go of my pre-conceived notions about what her learning should look like? How do I connect with my child right this moment? How do I enjoy her learning for what it is and trust her? How do I stop waiting for her to do something else -- how do I change *myself* so that she and I are doing what she's doing, together and with joy?"

And then the answer gets much easier to answer. You just do. You take a breathe, you bring a favorite snack or drink to where ever she is, you draw up a chair, and you sit by her. Every time a judgment arises in your head ("We aren't *doing* anything), breathe and let it go. Instead, watch her face and feel her presence and just kind of drink her in. *She* is more important than the stuff she's doing -- all that is going on inside of her, all that she *is* -- that's where the learning and unschooling really takes place, takes root and grows and heals her. Learn to observe *that* process, and to trust that she knows how to heal and to learn. Then you can offer things that might connect to that process.

Deschooling takes place every time you're able to make this choice -- the connected, trusting choice, instead of the worried, waiting choice. And when you do it enough, then you get over the big hump of it -- the schooly thoughts might still pop up once in a while, but you'll know better how to deal with them, once you create that pattern within yourself and within your home.