12/16/2005

Racial stereotyping

Something happened the other day that really angered me...

In the past, I've noticed that black women tend to...how can I put this...try and align themselves with Jacqueline...try to show some sort of connection to her just because of her skin color. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right. The reason I notice it is because they don't do it with Cimion (also biracial). It's usually from strangers in a store so I just blow it off.

We take Jacqueline (biracial: black/white) to an ethnic hair place to get her hair done. I can't take her where I go because they're not experienced with hair like Jacqueline's.
She's been getting her hair braided but up until yesterday, the braids have been close to her scalp. This time Jacqueline wanted them straight down, away from her scalp and I knew they would have to add beads to the ends to weigh it down.
I asked Billy (he takes her) to have them put in beads that were mostly her hair color (so they blend with her hair color-I don't like how a head full of colored beads looks) and to put a few red and green ones scattered throughout for Christmas.
She came home with a head full of white and clear beads! Just so you have a visual...her hair is short...the longest braid is maybe about 3" long (in the back). Each braid has 5 beads on it...even the braids in the front that are only about 2" long. All you see is beads when you look at her beautiful face.
I asked Billy what happened to the red/green beads for Christmas. He told me that he asked her to use red/green and mostly brown and that the woman said it's better to use white so it would go with everything she wearing. I told Billy that even though she suggested something other than what I wanted, he should have said no thank you, we want red & green beads mixed in. Between the color and the amount of the beads, I was not satisfied with the job she did.
I called her the next morning and told her that I wanted to come back in and remove at least one bead from each strand in the front and the sides. She told me that she needed the weight, which I already knew.
I told her 3 beads would be just fine, especially when the braid itself was as thin as a twist tie and only about 2" long.
Her reply was "Well, in our culture, 5 beads is not a lot".
Me: "In whose culture?"
Her: "The black culture"
Me: First of all, you may not be aware but my daughter is biracial-she's not black and second, as her parent I decide which aspects of the black culture my daughter embraces and a head full of beads is not one of them".
Of couse I hung up and we will not be returning there. It's expensive to do her hair (taking out the old braids alone takes about an hour) and I know Billy tips better than most people, so it's her loss.
Black women seem to think they have to teach me how to parent Jacqueline.
I do so love when I get those comments though (especially when I'm pmsing) because I love putting ignorant people in their place. Like I said, most of the time, I ignore it because it's made in passing by a stranger and I could care less what they think. But when I am having a conversation or some tyoe of relationship (business or otherwise) with that person, it's a whole other thing.

I'm so proud of my children...they've always been a multi-racial sibling group and they see each other (and people in general) for more than the color of their skin, unlike this woman. She sees my Jacqueline as a black girl. I see a beautiful soul who loves life and and is so much more than the color of her skin. Yes, it's that woman's loss...she will not have the honor of being around my daughter any longer.

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